Telling The Children About Divorce
The decision to get a divorce is often a difficult choice for parents. Telling the children is another tough step that should be done early, and with extreme care. An experienced family law attorney-mediator can assist you with this important and delicate process.
Divorce impacts the entire family. Although no parent needs permission from their child to get divorced, divorce impacts a child’s life in many ways. Depending on a child’s age and development, they are entitled to know about the divorce, ask questions and have their feelings addressed. Our attorney-mediator works closely with you and your spouse to assure the childrens needs are at the forefront of everyone’s minds as you go through this major life change.
Telling the children about your divorce should take place in a family meeting and in a manner that is appropriate for their age and level of development. Generally, parents should follow these commonly accepted guidelines:
• Clearly express to children that you are getting divorced and what it means, repeating any information for younger children.
• Let them know you’ve thought long and hard about a divorce and that it is your last option for resolving problems in your marriage.
• Do not place blame on them, or show anger. Tell them they must not take sides, letting your words and actions serve as an example to follow.
• Summarize your reasons why you are getting divorced, and say that it has nothing to do with continuing to be their parents.
• In clear, firm language tell them they are not the cause or reason why you are divorcing.
• Assure children that their needs will continue to be taken care of.
• Explain your expectations regarding where they will live, go to school and how visits with each of you will work.
• Explain how financial changes may affect extracurricular activities.
• Assure them you have a plan for the future, mentioning any unresolved decision affecting them, and that they’ll hear about those right away too.
• Encourage children to give their opinions, listen carefully, answer their questions and validate their feelings.
• Thank children for their understanding and assure them you and your spouse will continue to love them and care for them.
• Plan for another meeting shortly after-wards for review and to address any new concerns the children may have.
Sadly, the overwhelming majority of children receive little or no information about the parents’ divorce. Whether you choose to resolve matters through mediation or by going to court, we can help you understand the do’s and don’ts, including talking to your children about the divorce in a healthy way.